


Stay (Forever)

by darkangel86



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:53:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel86/pseuds/darkangel86
Summary: Michael felt sick and right away he knew something wasn't right. He didn't get sick. He's twenty right years old and he's never so much as had a a runny nose. But this feeling, it's odd and in the pit of his stomach, climbing it's way up into his chest. It's like, something's wrong, with him but he doesn't know what it could possibly be. He just feels wrong.





	Stay (Forever)

**Author's Note:**

> Got hit with the sudden "What would Michael do if he had a panic attack?" thought tonight so I ran with it. This was the outcome.

Michael felt sick and right away he knew something wasn't right. He didn't get sick. He's twenty right years old and he's never so much as had a a runny nose. But this feeling, it's odd and in the pit of his stomach, climbing it's way up into his chest. It's like, something's wrong, with him but he doesn't know what it could possibly be. He just feels wrong. He skin feels like it's crawling. He feels like he could scream but he doesn't know why. Sitting alone in his trailer isn't helping the feelings either and as he picks up his phone to call someone, his initial instinct is Alex but he can't. Why would he? Alex walked away. Again. He always leaves him and fuck, Michael deserves it. He deserves to be alone. So he calls Isobel. But alone gets is voicemail so against his better judgement he actually leaves her one. 

Next is Max. They've been slowly working on their relationship. And they've made some progress since Texas. It's nice to have his brother back. At least when he calls him it actually rings but again, voicemail. And again, he leaves him one as well. 

With a sigh, Michael tosses his phone into his bed and scrubs his hands through his hair. He could really use a shower after being out on the sun all day. He's fairly sure he stinks but at this point he really doesn't give a fuck. Reaching for his phone again, he pulls up Liz's contact and shoots her a text. He waits and after five minutes and no reply he assumes she's with Max and they're otherwise occupied and therefore he's getting nothing out of either of them anytime soon. He's happy for them, don't get him wrong but fuck he could really use someone right now. This feeling obviously isn't going away. 

Michael thinks for a minute about getting in his truck and driving to the Pony. He could use a drink and seeing Maria would be nice. Except. Yep. He fucked that up too. He'd had one actual friend in this God forsaken town and he'd had to go and sleep with her. Yeah, he could blame it on the alcohol but he'd known exactly what he was doing. He wasn't that drunk. He was hurt is what he was. And now there he was, back at Alex, where all roads led.

Michael sighed. He wanted Alex. Fuck, he loved the stupid stubborn bastard. Why did he have to make shit so hard? He threw his phone at the foot of the bed when he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. He'd spent a decade of his life loving and losing Alex. Why couldn't he just let him go? He scoffed at himself as he wiped harshly at a stray tear as it rolled down his cheek. Because he loved him. He refused to give up on him. He knew Alex loved him too. He'd basically admitted it the last time they spoke. They were written in the fucking stars as far as Michael was concerned and he wasn't about to give up on that.

Rolling over, Michael grabbed the blanket from beside him and haphazardly wrapped himself in it. It didn't count if no one was around to see him cry himself to sleep. maybe when he woke up this suck feeling in his stomach would be gone. And maybe someone would actually pick up their damn phone when he needed them. If Michael had the energy to roll his eyes at that thought he would have. No one was ever around when he needed him and that was the story of his God damned life.

*****

Alex knew the second he stepped foot into the crowded Pony it was a mistake. Maria must have had some kind of special happening because to say it was crowded would have been an understatement. But he was rung out from a week on the base and really wanted a drink and since he'd emptied out his fridge two nights before, the Pony was his best option. Or so he'd thought.

"Did I miss something? There half priced shots tonight?" Alex asked as he settled himself at the bar, nearly groaning in relief as he was finally off his leg, giving his prosthetic a break.

"No. Some kind of concert in the next county let out late and all their bars were closed. Luckily for me, I wasn't when they were passing through," Maria said with a grin as she sat down a glass in front of Alex and poured him a drink without him asking.

"Yeah, lucky you," Alex muttered as he eyed the crowd with disdain. He was momentarily surprised to spot Liz and Max, along with Isobel in a corner booth. 

"I know, right? Those three have been in here half the night, drinking my booze and eating my food. Heck, Noah and Kyle were here at one point but both left because of early work in the morning." Maria said as if it were no big deal. Alex turned to face her and leveled her with a confused look. 

"Has Michael been with them?" He asked, glossing over the subtle flinch at the mention of his name. 

"Guerin? In my bar? Honey, he hasn't been back since the day after Texas." Maria explained and Alex looked at her slightly confused because that didn't sound like Michael. 

"And why not?" Alex asked, twirling the glass of amber liquid he held in his hand.

"He came in for a drink, I told him nothing would ever happen between us again because you were my best friend and I couldn't do that to you and he left outta here with his tail between his legs," Maria said easily and Alex looked up at her as he slowly too a sip of his drink. 

"This was the day after Texas, you said? So the same day he and I finally said I love you to one another for the first time, the same day I learned some pretty heavy shit about his past, the same day I once again ran away from him and left him thinking God knows what, Michael comes in here looking for a drink and probably a friend and you sent him away because you thought he was looking for a fuck? He needed a friend, Maria. Jesus Christ." Alex tossed down enough money to cover his drink and pushed away from the bar, leaving a shocked and tearful Maria standing in his wake.

Striding across the bar, Alex came to a halt in front of a giggling Liz. He offered her a tight smile when she noticed his arrival. 

"Have any of you seem Michael tonight?" Alex asked, cutting right to the chase. Maybe he had no right to ask but it wasn't normal seeing them all out without him.

"No. Actually, I haven't seen him in a few days," Liz said, frowning. "Now that you mention it, I miss Mikey."

"It's not unusual for Michael to take off or disappear for a couple days at a time," Isobel said as she leveled Alex with a glare. "Not that you'd know."

"Iz." Max said with a sigh. "Sorry, Alex but no. It has actually been a few days since I've heard from him. He's been busy at the junk yard, covering extra shifts since Sanders has been sick." He explained. And that made sense to Alex but still. These people were supposed to be his closest friends and none of them had seen or spoken to Michael in days? But then neither had Alex, not since he'd walked say from Michael well over two weeks ago. 

"Oh. Wait. I've got a missed text from him," Liz said happily and Alex watched as the smile on her face dropped.

"What? What's wrong?" Alex asked immediately as he watched he dial what her knew was Michael's number.

"His text, I mean, not that we text that often but it's weird. He said he tried calling Max and Isobel but neither answered and something was wrong and he needed us but that it wasn't an emergency so we don't have to worry. It's like one giant run on sentence." Liz continued to stare at her phone while beside her Alex watched as both Evans siblings pulled out their phones and cursed at their screens. He watched them listen to what were obviously missed voicemails from Michael, both pale by the end. 

Isobel hit a few buttons on her phone, her hand shaking slightly, as she held it out for them to listen to the message replay.

" _H-hey, Iz. Listen, I uh. I really hate to bother you but I'm uh, not feeling so hot right now. I don't know what's wrong. Like I, feel sick but not actually sick? Fuck, I don't know. I feel weird. Nervous and I kinda don't wanna be alone so I thought I'd call you but you aren't answering. No, that's a lie. I want Alex but he's not fucking here so you're my next best bet and you aren't here either. Shit._ " Michael's voice broke and you could hear the waver as he choked back tears. " _Just ignore this, okay? I'm sorry I bothered you._ " 

Alex had his phone out dialing Michael's number before the voicemail on Isobel's phone was done. He closed his eyes and willed the tears back. His legs nearly gave out beneath him when Michael answered in the second ring.

"Michael! Hey, where are you?" Alex asked, his voice demanding.

"I'm home. Was asleep. Why?" Michael asked, clearly confused.

"I need to see you. Can I please come by?" Alex asked, praying Michael would let him.

"Alex." Michael's voice sounded so young and Alex felt his heart break. "Yes, please."

"I'm on my way." Alex said and if he could have ran, he would have tore out of the bar like the devil himself was after him. 

"Alex!" Max's voice stopped Alex from taking more than two steps. Alex turned and waited. "If he needs us..." Max said, the shame clear as day in his eyes.

"Just. Keep your phones where you can hear them if they ring. Of all times... of all times for all of you to be unreachable. He never asks us for anything and the one time he does!" Alex half yelled before turning and fleeing. He had to get to Michael. Nothing and no one else mattered. 

It took half the normal amount of time to reach the junk yard, and Michael, than it normally would have and that was still too long for Alex's liking. Throwing his suv in park, he tore out of it, wincing as he did so. He'd already seriously overdone it on his leg tonight and he knew he'd be regretting it in the morning. 

Throwing open the door to Michael's trailer, Alex hurried inside. His eyes immediately settled on Michael curled up in his bed, body trembling underneath a threadbare old blanket. Alex cursed. 

"Hey, Michael, hey, I'm here," Alex said, the slip of his first name not even registering as he hurried across the small space to drop down onto the bed next to the shivering man. The red rimmed eyes that turned to look up at him broke his heart.

"You came?" Michael's voice was full of disbelief and in that moment Alex hated himself. 

"Of course I did. You asked me to." Alex said and offered him a tentative smile as he pushed a few damp curls out of his eyes.

"But you left before and I needed you then so-" Michael said, his voice breaking off into a quiet sob.

"Fuck. Fuck! I am so sorry! I didn't leave that day because of you. I left because I was scared, of- of losing you! But not of you, Guerin, fuck, never of you." Alex tried to explain, needing Michael to understand, hoping that he would.

"I thought maybe after everything, finally finding out my whole truth was too much for you." Michael admitted and Alex let his eyes fall closed in shame.

"Finding out you were an alien was somehow the least shocking thing I've learned about you, Guerin," Alex admitted, opening his eyes and looking down at Michael with a small smile. "Finding out you were trying to leave, the planet? I felt like my entire world had just come to a screeching halt. That's why I ran. The thought of never having you to come back to scares the absolute shit out of me." Alex finally admitted, hating how his voice shook when he spoke.

Michael waited a beat before he used his still slightly shaking arms to push himself up to until he was sitting, facing Alex. The tightness in his chest was still there but it was slowly loosening and had been since Alex had arrived. The sick feeling in his stomach lingered but it wasn't as intense as before. Alex had always made things better for Michael and he was continuing to prove that fact even now. With a shaking hand, Michael reached out and laid it on Alex's chest, right where his heart was. He gripped his shirt tight in his fist and leaned forward until his forehead rested against Alex's. 

"Ask me to stay." Michael whisperers, his breath warm against Alex's lips. "Ask me to stay and I'll never leave you."

"I can't be the person that keeps you from finding your family." Alex replied, his voice breathless. 

"Alex... you are my family. You are what I want. You're what I've always wanted. If you'd just stop walking away from me. Please. For once in our lives, be selfish and pick us. Stop walking away and stay." Michael begged, broken. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted Alex. 

Without a seconds hesitation, Alex closed the space between them and captured Michael's lips with his own. It was soft, sweet and unlike any kiss they'd shared recently. It felt new, like a promise for a new beginning and Michael couldn't help the sob that escaped his lips. He broke the kiss, and pulled back before surging forward to wrap his arms around Alex's neck in a fierce hug. 

"It's okay, it's okay, I think maybe this is a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?" Alex asked, suddenly realizing what was happening as he held Michael as he continued to cry.

"I don't, no. What the fuck is an panic attack?" Michael asked, his voice slightly muffled from where it was pressed into Alex's neck.

"This. This sweating and restlessness. Have you been feeling uneasy or like you can't focus? You were trembling when I came in and still are." Alex explained.

"I felt sick before and there's been this tightness in my chest." Michael said and he could feel Alex nodding along as he spoke. "What caused it?" He asked as he reluctantly pulled himself back from Alex's warm embrace.

"I think it's different for everyone," Alex said. "You've been under a lot of stress lately, it's kind of no wonder something like this happened. I'm just sorry you were alone when it did."

"I tried calling Isobel and Max but no one answered." Michael admitted, almost shyly and Alex sighed.

"I know. I heard the voicemail you left Isobel. Michael, you can always call me if you need me, do you understand me? I don't care if for some reason we haven't seen or spoken for another ten years, which will not happen but I am saying, don't ever think you can't pick up your phone and call if you need me. I will always come to you." Alex said and smiled because he knew he meant those words with every fiber of his being.

"If you're already here, I won't have to call if there's a next time," Michael said, and Alex had to give it to him, that was smooth. He leaned in and pressed another kiss to Michael's dry lips.

"You're not wrong but how about for now we get you bundled up and into my car so I can take you home with me? You need some actual rest, in a real bed, after a shower and you aren't getting that here tonight." Alex suggested and he wasn't sure when he'd ever seen such pure elation on Michael's face.

"I can come home with you?" Michael asked and suddenly they were seventeen again and Alex felt his heart soar at this boy in front of him. How he'd managed to walk away as many times as he had was a feat he'd never be able to manage again.

"I plan to keep you, Guerin, so if that's a thing you might want-" Alex laughed as he caught himself an armful of smiling alien. "That's a yes then?"

"You'll never get rid of me, airman. Not now." Michael said happily, noting that the tightness in his chest was no longer there. He felt like he could sleep for a full day but that was more than okay, as long as Alex was there.

"I think I can live with that." Alex smiled. Yeah. He was positive he could. Of course there was more to talk about. Alex knew that. He still had the missing piece of Michael's ship but that was for another day. Right now Michael needed rest and someone to look after him for once and Alex had every intention of taking him home and making sure he got proper sleep in a real bed. He'd worry about tomorrow, well, tomorrow. 

"Michael?" Alex called out, just as the other man was stepping out of the doorway and into the night. 

"Yeah?" Michael asked, already looking better than when Alex first arrived.

"Stay?" And maybe it was selfish. Maybe Alex had no right but in that moment, looking at Michael and thinking of what they could be, what they could have. Alex didn't care.

"Forever." Michael replied with a smile that took Alex's breath away. They would make this work. Alex was sure of it. If only to make sure he saw that smile on Michael's face for the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> I have anxiety attacks and my mom has panic attacks. I kind of pulled from both our experiences with them for Michael's.


End file.
